playlist on repeat

i am saying goodbye to
my meaningless existence
on screen
i have more
urgent issues to deal with
like
how ash survives in a ball
when i blow it
but not  when i touch it
who i dream
pictures that are
stubbornly returning
despite the
breathing exercises
the box that was
sent
from the house
that gathers  roles
daughter
sister
the one who
found joy in polishing the street stones
or rolled on the front porch
on the night of 28th June 2012
how do i deal with this
or
a corner of a street in Brussels
or
wall of the fortress
where i was waiting for
a once in 150 years event
i swear alone
i throw things
nobody to get scared
so i am leaving the wish
to learn
to dance
to keep going forward
there is too much information already
i have to be careful now
otherwise
otherwise
i might end up
in the spiral
of forever returning
to all of the people
i met on the bus
or danced with
the people
sitting on the bench asking if i cheated
or people
in a taxi at 5am
or running towards me
after i returned
i might end up
seeing
all the 5 years that it took me to gather all the answers to a letter
and never sent them